In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
