I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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