What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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