my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
