I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
