if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
