i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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