my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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