Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
