brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You pole danced in your parka.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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