OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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