it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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