Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
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Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
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And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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