You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
