Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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