it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
