I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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