Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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