I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
