Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
