First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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