I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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