absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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