I'm going to jail i love you
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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