let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
