that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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