I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
