Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize