what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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