I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
