If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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