I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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