she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
