I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
