did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Randomize
