why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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