you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
