I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
