you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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