There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You can't just leave with hair like that
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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