All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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