So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
