I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
