Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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