Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
