She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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