After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
