I faked an abortion last night.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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