After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
