I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
