my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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