he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
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I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
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The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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