Christians are straight up FREAKS
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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