paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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