East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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