sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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