Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He passed out mid-signature
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Never underestimate the power of titties
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
