youre lurking in front of me
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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