Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
