its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.