very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence