I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
