Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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