I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
