What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
