you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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