My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
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Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Two words: nipple clamps
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