He told me they were just razor bumps!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
