I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
