Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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