can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize