apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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