East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
