Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
